Sweet Bitter Honey Read online

  “I know.” She smacked his ass and ducked under the hot stream of water before he saw her tears. She was so weepy lately. Something about doing this, having this incredibly intense thing with these guys had turned into her an emotional wreck—a positive cry-baby. But after that first night, she hadn’t let them see it. No way. She didn’t need them thinking she was going soft and wanting to get married…or anything so drastic, ridiculous or utterly perfect.

  Later she lay awake, listening to Ryan’s soft snore, realizing that Cole was tossing and turning, tussling with a nightmare. She touched his face, saw his jaw clench and drew her hand back, remembering the story of that night when he’d woken and nearly beaten Ryan to a pulp in his sleep. But he calmed when she ran her finger down his cheek. Her skin was raw, her lips hurt and she felt like she’d just had a killer workout. But at this moment, nestled between the two men, she had never felt more complete. She propped herself on her elbow, watching Cole struggle through the dream.

  She brushed her fingertip over the small globe and eagle Semper Fi tattoo on his biceps. He flinched from her touch, then sighed and rolled over, away from her, muttering about ‘Dan’ and ‘fire’. Then he seemed to settle, leaving her wide awake.

  She wandered out to the kitchen for some water, then lingered, leaning on the sink, pondering how she’d landed herself in this particular bizarre situation. She’d never been more physically fulfilled in her life—couldn’t even fathom how it could be better on that front. She sighed, pulled her hair up in a ponytail, trying to pinpoint what was bugging her, how to quell the near constant ache she’d developed deep in her chest whenever she wasn’t with them.

  “Hey.” Cole’s voice behind her made her jump and turn, her hand to her throat.

  “Jesus, you scared me.”

  “Sorry.” He sat, Brutus at his side, snuffling around until Lynette started patting him. “Damn dog. Such an attention whore.” Cole smiled before putting his head down on the table.

  “What’s wrong?” She rubbed his shoulders. “Cole?” He sat up, rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Headache? Need a painkiller?”

  “I miss him. So much,” he muttered, running a hand across his face. He’d gotten comfortable not wearing his sunglasses at home, around her and Ryan. She touched the burn marks around his eyes, trying to soothe away the stress on his face.

  “Miss who, honey?” Her heart pounded. Finally, she could get his whole story—maybe.

  “Dan,” he said. His shoulders shook, but no tears fell. She touched his face again, and he gripped her hand, held on as if his life depended on it. “I miss him every fucking day of my life.”

  “Tell me about him.”

  “We were together for nearly two years. I was rotating home, finally. He had another year, maybe two. But we were…shit.” He put his head back down on the table. Lynette stood behind him, kept massaging his neck, shoulders and arms.

  “Tell me more,” she whispered in his ear. Something about this moment felt exactly what she needed, to get her head around Cole.

  “He was smart, scary smart. Dark hair, dark eyes, tall, even taller than Ryan. A young, innocent guy from Ohio. An only kid. Barely nineteen years old. He wanted to…” Cole’s voice broke.

  Lynette sensed tears pressing against her eyes. She kissed his rough cheek. “Go on,” she said, threading her fingers in his hair, frightened by the depth of emotion rolling up from her gut.

  “He wanted to open a bakery. His parents were chefs. They…they accepted him. Mine didn’t. My father kicked my gay self out of the house and told me I wasn’t welcome anymore.”

  “When?” she asked, her heart ripping in two at the thought of him, alone.

  “Junior year of college. About the time I managed to get seduced by a married male professor who popped my cherry and made me fall in love with him, or so I thought.” He took a long breath. “I’m not mad at him anymore. It was all it needed to be. But I dropped out after that and joined the Marines. Made it through basic and got assigned in Counter Intel. I’m a computer magician, remember?” He sat up and pulled her into his lap. She went, loving his words, his lips, his smell.

  “Tell me more about Dan,” she whispered into his neck.

  “He loved books. Would read out loud to me—Hemingway, Faulkner, Salinger, King, all of it. I loved the sound of his voice. It was musical.” He ran a hand down her neck then lower, cupping her breast. “He played soccer in high school. We used to play together, when we got bored. It was a great excuse to have contact. God, it was terrifying. We tried so hard not to get caught. But I loved him and we were going to be together, forever.”

  She stood up to get them both a glass of water. He gulped his down, his face tense. “I wasn’t supposed to be there that week. On that fucking stupid convoy. But I went because Dan was going, and he said he wanted my help. We were headed into some godforsaken city that had been identified as a potential terrorist nest but abandoned. They’d left behind something like twenty computers, a giant hard drive. Shit that required our expertise. So, I went.” He sighed.

  Lynette stayed silent, leaning into his shoulder, the deep rumble of his voice in her ear. “We drove straight into a fucking trap. We took a dozen very smart Marines directly into it. And I was one of three who lived.” He put his forehead to her shoulder. “I can’t stand myself most days. That I lived. You know? Even though I’m ruined, can never have a normal life again, thanks to the attack. But honestly, I didn’t care. I wanted to die with Dan.”

  She put her hand to his cheek then brushed his hair off his forehead. “I’m glad you didn’t die, Cole,” she said, pressing her lips to his, tracing their outline with her tongue. “So very glad.” She shed the robe she’d been wearing and straddled him. Her need to comfort, to fix, to make him smile again nearly overpowered her.

  “I’m not so sure,” he said, settling his hands on her waist, his face still pensive, distracted. “I held him. Heard his last words. It was the worst thing…ever…” He hesitated. “Although this has been pretty amazing, and not something I ever thought I’d want. Now, somehow, I feel guilty. Like I shouldn’t be allowed anything this wonderful, ever again.”

  “I know what I want,” she whispered in his ear, never more sure of anything in her life.

  Cole held on to her, his head still pounding with the residual nightmare and the confession session. He smelled her arousal, sweet, heavy, sexy, just like he had first identified it—like thick honey but with an undercurrent of something that made his libido roar and his heart pound with need. She kissed him, tracing his lips with her tongue while he tried very hard to dispel the images of Dan from his head.

  “It’s like, if you’re going to be blind, it’s better you start out that way. So there’s no memory of sight.” She held him close. “I remember Ryan. I saw him. But I never got to see you. And I hate that.”

  “Here.” She put his hands on her breasts then moved them up her arms, tangled them in her hair. “You can see me this way. I want you, too, so much.” She sighed into his skin, making him shiver.

  He tightened his grip on her. “Lynette.” He pressed his face to her neck, sucking in huge breaths of her.

  “Shh,” she said, shifting slightly against his now painfully hard cock. “It’s okay.”

  His hands roamed all over her, his lips slid down her neck, nestled into her breasts as he gripped her ass. “Dear God, but I need to be inside you. Is it…okay?”

  Lynette smiled into his hair. Ryan had been so insistent on the condom thing. He was crazed about it, but Cole had been stubborn. He liked to feel Lynette without the latex. So, they’d had physicals and tests, proven their sexual healthiness, and Lynette had gotten a diaphragm because the pill gave her migraines.

  At that moment, something in him reared up with a need so powerful it terrified and compelled him all at once. It was beyond a compulsion for release. It was more elemental than that. She wrapped her arms around his neck and found his lips.

  “It’s fine,�
� she said, angling her hips and allowing him to penetrate her, stretch her, forcing a moan of pleasure from her lips. “Please. Cole, I need you.”

  He thrust high, gripping her hips. “We can’t. We shouldn’t.” Cole was on fire. This whole thing was insane. This woman made him mad with lust, made him want to fuck her into oblivion then hold her all night long. A woman—who would have guessed?

  She rolled her hips, gripped him hard, clutching his face and kissing him. He lost himself in her, her scent, her flesh, and something gut deep and primal pulled at him. He stood, sweeping anything that might be in the way on the table to the floor and dropped her onto it. She wrapped her arms and legs around him He dove into her with his cock, into her mouth with his tongue. He wasn’t just blind, he was deaf and dumb to everything but her.

  “Cole!” she cried out, arching up. He caught her nipple in his mouth, sucked hard and joined her, diving over the orgasmic edge with a loud mutual cry of satisfaction. He went up on his toes with the effort of pounding into her, filling her, while she clutched at him, her body seeming to hold him even deeper than usual.

  They kissed, calmed, and he pulled her up from the table. “Wow,” he murmured, edging toward the blessed rest he always got post-orgasm. “Take me to bed, you minx, before I fall asleep on the kitchen floor.”

  He heard her then, the hitch in her breath, the distinct sob she was holding back to prove how tough she was. He put his palm against her face. “I love what you’ve done to me, for me, and with me.”

  She nodded, her tears wetting his fingers.

  “Jesus, you two.” Ryan’s scratchy voice behind them made him jump. “Nice show. Thanks. Now, let’s get some fucking sleep, okay?”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The next morning Ryan rolled over, draped his arm over Cole’s hip and sighed when his brain prodded him awake at the usual ungodly hour of five a.m. He kissed the man’s neck, sat up and saw Lynette curled into Cole’s other side. He smiled, wondering how in the hell he’d gotten this lucky. Even when he’d caught them fucking on the kitchen table last night, all he’d gotten was a warm, tingly feeling instead of any kind of possessive jealousy that might seem more obvious.

  He stretched, thinking through the day. He needed to get Jamie from Quinn and Audrey’s and he had promised to take all the kids to a movie tonight—trading out for keeping his son last night. A worthwhile swap, he mused, as he stood and stared at Cole’s bare torso, rising and falling in a calm sleep. Besides, now that Quinn’s boys had received and accepted the presence of Audrey in their lives, they were much calmer, less demanding and more fun to be around.

  He jumped in the shower and let the pounding hot water bring him more fully awake, mentally flipping through his to-do list. He needed to check in at the brewery on some of the projects they had going for judging at this year’s National Beer Fest in Colorado. He felt they had a lock on a couple of categories, but his natural inclination was to baby the brews along, checking on them day and night. He toweled off, threw on some fresh clothes and wandered into the kitchen, shaking his head at the mess Lynette and Cole had made when they’d decided to screw on the table.

  He cleaned up the floor and rooted through Cole’s pantry for ingredients to make pancakes. After assembling everything in a big bowl, he set the griddle on high and sipped some coffee. He loved the quiet order of a morning kitchen. His mother had imposed that on him, with her insistence on a sit-down breakfast every day of his life until he left for college.

  He and Quinn had never had the same one twice in a row, between fresh blueberry pancakes, omelets, homemade biscuits, muffins—the works. ‘Start the day right,’ she’d say, kissing their father goodbye at the door. When the day arrived that the man did not come home from his job at the insurance company, disappearing with the secretary and about ten thousand of the company dollars, Moira had set her lips in a thin line and coped, like she always did and always with a belly full of breakfast.

  “Smells good in here.” Lynette leaned in the doorway, covered in a robe, her red corkscrew curls all over the place. He pointed to the coffeemaker.

  “Help yourself. These will be ready soon.”

  She poured a cup, set it down and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind. Ryan’s heart pounded a little faster. Just sex. That was the arrangement and he, for one, hoped to keep it that way. In the last week or so, the simple domesticity of their time together had felt more comfortable than ever. He would never admit it, but if there were a way to wake up every day like this, together, three of them, he wouldn’t reject it.

  Utterly impossible, Shannon. Get a grip. What the hell do you tell your son? ‘Hey, uh, Jamie, here’s your new mom…and Uncle Cole sleeps in dad’s bed, too. Okay?’

  He shook his head.

  “What’s wrong?” Lynette muttered into his neck.

  “Nothing.” He set the bowl down and turned, taking her in his arms. “You feel great,” he said, lowering his lips to her neck, tasting salt and a distinct tang of need.

  “Why, yes, thank you, as a matter of fact I do. Feel great.” She stretched her arms up and Ryan made a grab for her exposed breast. “But…” She backed away, retying the robe. “You okay with…you know, last night? I don’t want there to be weirdness. You know? Jealous bullshit?”

  “If we’re all together, I don’t care who does what to whom.” He flipped the pancakes over, let them finish then slid them onto a plate.

  Lynette grabbed one and bit into it. “Together? What do you mean? We are together, right?”

  “I mean, together, literally. Like last night. It doesn’t feel like sneaking around and, as far as I’m concerned, it’s not. But if you feel a need to have him fuck you or whatever, and I’m not around, I may have an issue with that.”

  “Fair. And same goes for you.”

  “Fair.” He got out butter, syrup and honey. “And we stick with the birth control plan, right?” He stared at her. Her gaze flitted away just enough to worry him. “I am dead serious about this, Lynette. I’m glad we got the diaphragm thing sorted out for you. That takes a lot off my mind.”

  “I know. It’s fine.” She poured a cup of coffee for Cole, who’d just wandered in the room, rubbing his face. Brutus led him to a seat, then made for his food bowl after stopping to let Lynette rub his ears. She set the cup down in front of Cole and let him pull her into his lap.

  “I have a great idea,” Cole muttered into her neck, trailing a hand up her thigh. “You need to make a beer that tastes like this.” His hand went higher, disappearing under her robe.

  Ryan laughed and brought the plate of food to the table. “Dude, if I could make a beer that tasted like pussy, I would be a zillionaire by now.” He put a plate in front of Cole and started eating. He was starved and watching the two of them cuddle was making him horny again.

  “No, numb nuts. Like her—like, honey, and red colored, since you call her that, and maybe a little bitter, you know, to match her smart mouth.”

  Lynette laughed and took her own seat, grabbing several pancakes for herself. “Bitter? Me? Nice.”

  “Hmm…you know,” Ryan mumbled around a mouthful of food. “I’ve never tasted a decent honey-infused common.”

  Lynette poured half the bottle of syrup over her stack. “But how much honey would it take to really affect that kind of a brew?”

  “I’m gonna look into it,” Ryan declared. “I like it.”

  “Sweet Bitter Honey,” Cole said. “For Lynette.”

  Ryan laughed and grabbed Cole’s hand, putting it to his lips. “No, for us. Like Lynette.”

  She smacked his shoulder but smiled. And Ryan got that weird, extra thump-thump in his chest when he looked at her, then at Cole.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Cole woke with a jerk, reaching up to wipe his eyes attempting to dispel the blackness that would never be dispelled. The phone was clanging Audrey’s ring tone. He reached for it, then remembered he was not at his house. Lynette stirred on his left. Ryan s
at up on his right, grabbed the device and handed it to him.

  “We’re headed to the hospital,” Quinn barked in his ear. “Something’s wrong. My mom’s here with the other boys.”

  “Okay, we’re on our way.”

  Lynette crawled out of bed, and he heard the shower start up.

  “No time,” Cole barked, finding his jeans where he’d left them on the floor. They’d practically ripped one another’s clothes off, the six weeks between encounters too long for them all. But real life as a threesome had its challenges along with rewards and their schedules simply hadn’t meshed with Ryan’s need to have Jamie out of the house when they stayed over.

  Audrey had seemed okay the day before when he and Ryan had dropped the boy off at his cousins’ new place. She’d done her usual grumbling about being as big as two houses and cursing the Shannon twin gene for her misery. A thrill of fear shot down his spine.

  “I’m not going,” Lynette called out.

  “The hell you aren’t,” Ryan yelled, jumping around trying to get his shoes on. “Let’s go.”

  Cole sat, tried to get his bearings. Quinn’s words rolled around in his head. “C’mon, man.” Ryan dragged him up. “Time to go meet our nephews.”

  “It’s too early. Her C-section isn’t scheduled for another three weeks.”

  He felt Lynette’s hand on his shoulder. He gripped it like a lifeline, panic making his chest tighten. Brutus bumped his leg. “Yeah, boy, that’s right. Let’s go already!” Ryan declared.

  The ride to the hospital was longer than he thought possible. Thoughts of his sister rolled through his brain. She put on a huge show of being a super-strong Wonder Woman but he knew deep down she was one hundred percent terrified by this whole radical turn of events in her life. He put his face against the cool car window. Lynette touched his shoulder from the backseat. Ryan grabbed his hand.

  “It will be fine. I’m sure.”

  Cole nodded and ignored them. He still couldn’t believe his sister was having twins. Which explained the odd double heartbeat sounds he’d been getting not long after the wedding. While it was annoying beyond belief sometimes, hearing everything that no one else did, it came in handy at others. He’d touched her stomach that day, leaned in and told her to have the doctor check for a second heartbeat. She’d laughed him off for about a minute, then called her doctor’s office and told them she was coming in right away.