Sweet Bitter Honey Read online

  He jumped out with his dog when he felt the car come to a halt, and made his frustrating slow way through the ‘where the hell is my sister’ process. Finally, he sensed Lynette by his side, talking calmly to the annoying staff. He followed her, the horrific and overwhelming smells of a busy hospital making him want to gag and run for the exit door. He gripped Lynette’s hand and let her guide him.

  After an interminable elevator ride, they emerged onto a quieter floor. A different set of sensations hit his nose and ears. He gulped and held on to Brutus’ lead. Ryan joined them and they sat and waited. “What the hell is taking so long?” The man stood and paced, but Lynette stayed seated and quiet by his side.

  “Quinn!” He heard Ryan from what sounded like the end of a tunnel. He clenched his jaw. “God, somebody throw the waiting room a bone, here.”

  The silence that met his ears had Cole on his feet, stumbling toward Ryan’s voice. “What is it? Ryan? Somebody better start talking to me, right fucking now.” He felt Ryan’s hand on his shoulder.

  “She’s fine, Cole. C’mon, I’ll take you to her.” Quinn’s voice sounded raw.

  Cole jerked out from under Ryan’s hand. “Don’t hide anything from me. Damn you. What’s really going on?”

  He heard it. Quinn’s heart—stuttering, then pounding. He lunged toward the man, using his base instincts to find him, grabbing at his throat in desperation, thinking to drag the words out of him. Ryan yanked him back. “Relax,” he whispered, running a hand down Cole’s arm. “It’s fine.”

  “God damn it.” Cole stood, fists clenched, in his eternal fucking darkness, needing them to stop hiding shit from him. Lynette slid under his arm.

  “Quinn, Ryan, tell him.”

  He heard both men blow out identical breaths. He gripped Lynette into his side.

  “Okay, so, Audrey’s been having headaches for about a day or two, but we figured it was just stress or boredom or something,” Quinn began.

  “Why didn’t she say anything when we—”

  Lynette leaned into him. “Shh, let him finish.” Her lips grazed his jaw. He nodded.

  “Uh, yeah, so…she was up tonight, couldn’t sleep, as usual. I sat with her a while, then fell asleep on the couch. And, uh, shit.” Cole heard the man’s voice break. “I woke up at three, sat up, realizing she hadn’t come back into the family room.” He cleared his throat and Cole realized he was either crying or on the verge of it. “I can assure you, Cole, that the sight of my wife lying on the kitchen floor in a pool of blood is not something that will exit my consciousness anytime soon. I gotta go, I need to see the boys. Fill them in on the rest, Ryan.”

  Cole sensed him leave and turned to Ryan. “The boys,” he said, breathless. “They’re okay?”

  Lynette watched the drama unfold between the men. She bit her lip and tried to keep the rubbery, plastic, gross hospital smells from making her puke.

  Hospitals were her least favorite place on the planet. And this whole thing with Audrey and her kids was making her antsy. She wanted to leave. She needed to stay. She stood, hands clenched together, and let the memories of the past few months wash over her.

  Finally, she put a hand on Ryan’s arm. “Why don’t I pick Jamie up and take him home?”

  Ryan glanced up at her, his green eyes snapping. He put his arm around her, which soothed her, but also made her want to run away screaming. “That would be great. Sorry. No. Don’t,” he said. “Stay here with us. We’re gonna see the boys.”

  “No, no.” She backed away, trying to keep from covering her mouth and running to the bathroom. Terror washed through her when the kitchen encounter she’d had with Cole weeks ago flooded her brain. Why she hadn’t thought of it until now she had no idea, but there it was—she’d taken her diaphragm out already that night.

  Holy fucking shit.

  “I’ve gotta go.”

  Cole pulled his sunglasses off and rubbed his eyes, talking as if he hadn’t heard her. His hands shook. “The boys are okay,” he said. “Tyler is in the neonatal intensive care, but Lucas isn’t. They think Tyler will be fine in about forty-eight hours. He was smaller, his lungs weren’t ready or something.”

  “And Audrey?” She wanted to go into their arms, to make them hold her and face the reality of what she suspected together, but she simply couldn’t. Ryan would have a cow. And he’d be right to do so. She’d promised to take the birth control thing seriously. And she hadn’t, for whatever reason, that night. She clenched her eyes shut.

  “Stable, resting. It’s all okay. An emergency, but that’s what decent hospitals are for.” Ryan put his lips to her forehead. “Go home. Get some rest. Jamie’s fine where he is.”

  “Call me?” she asked, gulping back the saliva that flooded her mouth.

  Cole yanked her close. “You’re sick,” he said, putting his lips to her cheek. “No fever, though. What is it?” He held her arms, suddenly tense with worry.

  She mentally cursed the man’s ability to sense things about her. “Nothing. I’m fine. I just don’t like hospitals. Congrats, guys, really. But I should go. I’ll…I’ll be around tomorrow.”

  She avoided both Cole and Ryan for a solid two weeks, needing space to process what had happened that night, on the kitchen table, with Cole without protection, their base need for each other outmatching their logic about birth control.

  Dear God, what if she really was pregnant? Ryan would shit bricks. What in the hell would she do? How could she tell them?

  There was a big beer and food festival in Chicago that week so she packed up and left without seeing them. She managed to avoid phone calls and texts for the most part while there. But the last night of the event, she owned up that it wasn’t fair to the men who kept trying to contact her, so she texted them and informed them both that she was fine, busy, and for them to focus on Audrey and the kids.

  By the time she got home, Audrey had been released with Lucas, the healthier of the baby boys. Lynette dropped her stuff at her apartment and agreed to meet Ryan at Quinn’s house. She took a quick shower, then drove to the outskirts of town to the house Audrey and Quinn had bought, complete with a barn for horses and twenty acres to ride.

  She sat a few minutes, gripping the steering wheel and steeling herself to see Ryan. A knock on her window made her jump. Quinn was there, smiling at her. She sighed and climbed out. “Hey, you all right?” he asked. “I was just down at the barn, watching the boys get saddled up for their riding lesson. You look like shit, no offense. Chicago that rough?”

  “Uh, yeah. You know. Party, party, party.” She gave him a weak smile. “So, when does Tyler get to come home?”

  Quinn’s face split into a huge grin. “Monday, thank all the gods. Audrey’s going nuts not having him here. C’mon, Ryan’s already here.”

  Lynette followed him in, her feet dragging like they were mired in sand. She wasn’t ready to face Ryan. Not yet. But there he was, in all his tall, sexy, amazing glory. His face lit up at the sight of her. Her heart raced and her brain yammered at her to go to him. Let him hold her so she could confess what she suspected, but couldn’t bring herself to admit.

  He folded her into a huge hug, kissed her cheek and guided her inside. “Missed you,” he whispered, cupping her ass. She stepped out of his reach. He frowned but Audrey called out then, so they walked into the huge family room where she had an impossibly tiny baby draped over her shoulder.

  “I think he just threw up down my fucking back. Ryan, where the hell is Quinn?”

  Lynette grabbed one of the many clean cloths lying on the table and handed it to Ryan who took the baby from Audrey and wiped her shoulder. Audrey stood and stretched, wincing a little when she limped toward the kitchen. “I swear I’m going fucking crazy. I can’t stand not having both of them here, but he’s such a handful…I… There you are.” She stepped into Quinn’s arms and he held her, whispering in her ear. Lynette bit her lip, moved by their connection and more than a little jealous of it. Ryan bumped her arm.


  “Hey, want to hold him a sec? I need to wash my hands.”

  “Oh, no, not really, okay.” She sighed when he put the tiny boy in her arms despite her protests. She’d spent a lot of years in high school and college holding other people’s babies, not to mention her years in college making money working in day care centers. She was comfortable doing it but somehow, today, she felt klutzy, out of it. She sat, jiggling the baby and watching his lips purse in his sleep.

  She looked up and saw Ryan move around the kitchen, assembling sandwiches for lunch. She swallowed hard, wishing like hell she could tell him her fears, but knowing it was hardly the right time or place. Audrey came back in and sat, put her feet up and sighed.

  “If he’s asleep, you can put him in his bed, over there.” Audrey pointed to the two tiny cribs in the corner of the room. Lynette placed the sleeping boy in one of them.

  “I’m going up to the hospital,” Quinn stated.

  Audrey’s eyes flashed. “Yes, please make them tell you why they won’t let him go yet. I don’t like how that pediatrician keeps avoiding my eyes.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Quinn walked over to the crib and kissed his son’s cheek. “Later, brother,” he called out to Ryan, who waved from the kitchen.

  “So, when are you going to tell him?” Audrey asked, keeping her voice low, after Quinn had left. Lynette frowned at her.

  “Tell who what?”

  Audrey pointed to her stomach. “Tell one of those men he’s a dad.”

  Lynette’s mouth dropped open. She clapped it shut, only to have it drop open again. She must look like a pure idiot. Tears stung her eyes. She swallowed hard.

  “I don’t know for sure. I mean, I haven’t taken a test. I think I’m avoiding it. How can you tell?”

  “I don’t know, really, a hunch based on the fact that you look like ten miles of bad road and that you just confirmed it. Well?” Audrey’s face was serious.

  “I…I’m not sure. I mean, I don’t know that I am, really. You know? And I don’t think any of us is ready for it. I…” She slapped her hand over her lips when a wave of nausea smacked into her from nowhere.

  Audrey pointed down a back hallway. Lynette got to the bathroom just in time. She gripped the edge of the sink and tried to rein in the dizziness after she threw up, then walked back out to the family room, attempting to look normal.

  “Listen, Lynette, I am not judging you or Ryan or Cole for that matter. I haven’t seen my brother this happy since…well, ever. So, whatever you guys are doing, more power to you. But…” Audrey took up the conversation as if Lynette had never left the room.

  She sat, rubbing her lips with a tissue. “It’s Cole’s,” she whispered. “Ryan is…” She glanced over her shoulder at him still puttering around in the kitchen. “Ryan is, was, adamant about birth control. I have a diaphragm. But I, well, I can’t.”

  “Sister, I am not one to talk about forgotten diaphragms or condoms or any of it. Trust me. And believe it or not, I’m not going to encourage you to tell him, if your mind is made up already. Do you have…support? A ride, if you need one?”

  Lynette nodded, although she didn’t really. A sudden urge rolled through her to see Cole, make him help her convince Ryan it would be okay, and talk her out of the abortion she’d convinced herself to schedule while she was in Chicago. Ryan touched her shoulder, making her almost leap out of her skin.

  “Sandwich?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “I need to go.” She stood, feeling a fraction stronger now that someone else knew her secret.

  “Uh, okay.” He stood, staring at her. “Call me later?”

  “Yes,” she said, kissing his cheek. She gave Audrey a quick hug and touched baby Lucas’ still sleeping form. Resisting the urge to make the drive over to Cole’s, she got home and drew a hot bath, ignored her mother and locked the bathroom door so she could think.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Cole sat, hand on Brutus’ head. The breeze coming through the window helped ease a fraction of his stress. The IT security business he’d envisioned was going gangbusters, and while he didn’t regret it exactly, it was definitely more of a pain in the tail than he’d anticipated. Jake was still around, working his sales magic. The guy was smart, great with the public, getting them so many accounts Cole could hardly keep up.

  But this latest assignment was giving him a serious tail-chasing vibe. A Detroit casino had hired him, promising a six-figure payoff if he could come up with a way to do what they wanted—provide one hundred percent security on all their networks, including the casino floors, the entertainment venues and all six hundred of the guest rooms. But he couldn’t convince them to dump the ‘free wireless’ concept, which was the open door invite to hackers. They kept insisting that he solve it without ‘inconveniencing’ their many guests.

  He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back. The fact that he hadn’t seen or heard from Lynette in over two weeks was making him nuts, too. He knew she’d been out of town but couldn’t understand why she’d remained incommunicado since she’d gotten back. Granted, he’d been buried in work, and the awkward nature of his new business-only relationship with Jake took a lot of emotional energy. The upside was he slept better, his nights rarely haunted by dreams of fire and of Dan.

  His phone rang—Ryan’s ring tone. He smiled and answered.

  “Hey,” he started.

  “I saw her today.”

  “Oh?” Cole’s pulse pounded in his temples, but he kept his voice cool. “And how is she?”

  “Looked a little ragged around the edges, but the Chicago event is long and intense.”

  “Sure. Okay. How’s the boy?”

  “He seems good. Audrey is going nuts not having them both home. You coming over later?”

  “That’s my plan. Ride is due here about four.”

  “What are you doing now?” Ryan’s voice sounded strange.

  “Working, trying to justify the dough the Motor City Casino just deposited in my bank account. Why?”

  “Because I’m standing on your porch. Can I come in?”

  Cole frowned and let Brutus lead him to the door. He put a hand on Ryan’s chest, felt how hard his heart pounded then gasped when the other man yanked him close and covered his lips with an urgent kiss. He let go of the dog’s lead and wrapped his arms around Ryan’s neck. The hard planes of the other man’s body, the rough rasp of his cheek and the distinct press of an erection against his hip made him groan when his cock rose to the occasion so fast he got dizzy from the lack of blood to his brain.

  “I need you,” Ryan whispered, biting his ear and lifting his shirt off before yanking his jeans down around his ankles.

  “Wait, I thought we wouldn’t…holy mother of…” He grunted when Ryan pushed him back on the couch, dropped to his knees and swallowed his cock all the way down. He felt a finger under his balls, another hand tugging his nipple.

  His hips thrust up as he gave in to the raw, pure erotic perfection of the moment. One devoid of emotion, a need to impress or worry about pleasing anyone—the simple pleasure of getting off that he’d shared with many men.

  “Stop,” he croaked out. “I don’t want to come this way.”

  Ryan took his hand and yanked him to his feet. Cole relieved him of his shirt and jeans, fumbling in his urgency. “I need you,” Ryan said, pulling him close for a kiss. “So much,” he whispered, pressing Cole onto the couch. Cole sighed with pleasure when Ryan coated his ass with lube, teasing him with a couple of fingers before looming over him, his cock pressing inside, making him groan and angle his hips upward so he could take Ryan all the way.

  Suddenly, he smelled her, could practically taste her sweetness on his tongue. He heard her moans, her laugh, felt her hair under his hands, the bone structure of her face when he touched her ‘seeing her’. A combination of amazing sensations filled all his senses. The smell of man, of Ryan, of his lust, the sensory memories of Lynette, all of it made him reach for his own aching cock.
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  “Deeper,” Cole cried out when the climax burst across his brain. He came into his hand just as the other man let out a low moan, his left leg giving that tell-tale spasm he always had right after orgasm. “Yeah, baby. Just like that.” Cole sighed, hanging on to Ryan’s shoulders. The ghostly honey scent floated across his brain again. He frowned, wincing when Ryan pulled out.

  “Nice.” He heard her then, fury dripping off her every word. “Very fucking nice.”

  He grabbed his jeans and pulled them up, using his shirt to wipe the cum off his belly, nervous, embarrassed and starting to panic.

  Ryan sucked in a shuddering breath and turned to face her. Lynette stood in the door, dressed in jeans and a brewery T-shirt. Her curly red hair floated around her shoulders and her eyes snapped with anger, but her face was pale, gaunt, with dark circles under her eyes he hadn’t noticed earlier.

  He had no idea why he’d come here and done this with Cole. If he were completely honest, it was a lot of desperate horniness mixed with worry about Lynette, his nephews, his brother and sister-in-law. Mostly he wanted to fuck something, and a simple, physical, man-to-man connection seemed logical. But now he’d allowed his selfish urges to put a look of such hurt in Lynette’s eyes, he had to lower his gaze to the floor, unable to meet her stare. He’d done it again. He’d let his base, selfish needs hurt someone he loved.

  “So, were you just pretending I was in the next room, Ryan? That get you past the whole having a problem with sneaking around thing?” She took a step toward him. Cole stood at his shoulder, breathing heavily. The dog whined. “Or is that rule just a guideline the rest of us have to follow to make you happy with yourself?”